Everything you want to know about Just

A conversation between you and your partner about housework is really one you could already have while dating. The more you agree on the practical things, the less conflict this will cause later in your relationship. Just acts as a mediator to help you have this conversation together. In practice it works as a lightning rod that clears the air on a subject that causes arguments and tension at home for so many couples. Just looks at your availability, your preferences, what matters to both of you in the household and how to divide the load as well as possible. That way there's time and energy left for the fun things!

By using the Just app, you make the invisible work visible to you and your partner. The mental load falls off your shoulders, because from now on the AI assistant Just keeps track of the tasks for you. Handy! You no longer have to think about it yourself. All you need to do is update the app now and then with new activities, for example when you decide to work out on a different day or your child starts swimming lessons.

Just works with relationship therapist Gerda de Weerdt-Hazenberg, who helps couples in her practice keep the harmony in their relationship. A good and fair division of tasks is part of that, as are emotional connection, intimacy, support and having fun together. That's what keeps the love flowing!

Just values each partner's time and makes sure everyone's time counts equally in how the household is divided. Just also works with relationship therapist Gerda de Weerdt-Hazenberg, who helps couples in her practice keep the harmony in their relationship. A good and fair division of tasks is part of that, as are emotional connection, intimacy, support and having fun together. That's what keeps the love flowing!

First of all: start from desire, not blame. Choose the starting point (what I also call the mental model): the two of us together against the problem, not against each other. So not: "I'm so sick and tired of always having to do everything." But: "I would really love it if…" (describe the situation you want). The following mini-script may help: "Can I bring up something important without us having to solve it right away? I want things to feel lighter for us. What I'd love is a division of the household and the mental load that feels workable and fair for both of us. Can we set aside 30 minutes to design this together?" Also make sure you don't dress up your wish too much. The other person may experience that as manipulative. Just say what you'd like, with a look as if you expect a positive answer. What can help to make the conversation a bit more neutral and action-oriented is to start with a short "Retro". A Retro is a look back at what went well. It's really important to take a moment for that too! Then you can talk about what could be more effective/more fun/better. From there you can take a first step towards redividing. Do keep an eye on the time slots! Exercise: 20-min Household Retro 3 min: "What went well last week" 5 min: "Where did things get stuck" (one example per person) 5 min: "What does each of us need" (needs, not accusations) 5 min: "Test one agreement until next week" Tip 1) Stick to the timeboxes. If your partner can't trust you to keep it short, it will be harder to get them on board next time. Tip 2) When making agreements, set yourselves up for success. Don't try to fix the whole problem in one go. Keep your agreements manageable, realistic and above all not too big. Tip 3) Clearly define the topic of the retro. An example is "Sex" — that generally doesn't belong under the topic "Household" ;-) Of course it can be very fun and useful to do a retro on that as well. But that's a whole other topic…

Start with meaning before rules. What someone sees as "mess" or "clean" is linked to personal values (for example calm, hygiene, aesthetics, hospitality, sustainability). Once you align your values, agreements become logical. In 2 steps: A core-values conversation about home, in which you talk together about which things matter to you and what value lies behind them. Mini-script: Which three things make you feel relaxed at home Which three things are triggers — small things that irritate you What are you proud of in our home Both write it down and swap. Do this question by question. Agree beforehand how much time you'll spend on it. Not finished? Schedule a follow-up. Tip: you can hold a core-values conversation per domain. For example around the bathroom, or around the groceries. Agree on the standard together: what does good enough look like? And define the end result: when can you say it's done — "Klaar is Kees" (KiK), as the Dutch say? Use two levels per room/task to define your KiK: The minimum, the baseline you commit to The bonus, if there's time/energy An example — take the kitchen: minimum: counter clear & clean, dishwasher loaded/unloaded, bin emptied bonus: floor swept, coffee machine rinsed, tea towel replaced Pitfalls and what to do when you run into them: NIVEA (Niet Invullen Voor Een Ander): don't fill in for someone else. Don't assume straight away that you understand each other. Make it concrete: what does "tidy" look like to you? Translate it into your KiK: what's the minimum and what's the bonus? My way or the highway, in other words: my way is the norm. Counter this with domain ownership: whoever owns a domain chooses the how, but sticks to the shared agreements about the KiK. Wanting to do everything at once. Instead, start with one room or domain per week, for example the kitchen or the groceries. For each domain, hold a 15-min core-values conversation beforehand and a short retro afterwards: what went well and what could be better. Summarising insights Each person states what their core values at home are and where you agree. For the kitchen, our KiK is that at least this is done, and as a bonus that. We use the app to keep track of who does what. Agree on a moment in the future to check in for 10 minutes on what worked and what you want to adjust.